Category Archives: Blurbs

dear universe… love, me (again)

Standard

dear universe,

i think today (or ever since monday last week) i truly believe in you again. i opened up again and what you showed me in just a little bit over a week is blowing my mind yet again.

remember, when i was high on life? when every single minute was filled with love and happiness? i remember. now i do.

today was the first day since may 27, 2009 that there was this sparkle in my eyes again. the sparkle that means that i can take on the world and will succeed in doing so.

and don’t be fooled, i am not just saying it this time. i’m living it. to the probable dismay of my family, i will move yet again. out of this country. into a new life i have already lived.

and you didn’t disappoint, you opened windows and doors into a new life, let me see the future and let me know that seeing it is not dangerous.

today, i can be honest with myself in saying that i love life the way it loves me. thank you for giving me the strength to open up again.

the smartass me would now make a comment about the similarity of this feeling to the feeling people must have had when the wall fell in germany in 1989. but i’ll keep smartass me to myself today. 🙂

have a happy day, wonderful people. namasté.

love, me. (again)

Advertisements

Analyze me.

Standard

Today, I figured something out. Which is quite impressive as it is only 10:06 AM and I have  had six hours of less or more good sleep last night.

While I was carrying a massive load of stuff into my office (I can’t wait for all the finance-y stuff to be done with so I can get a desktop PC for the office!), I suddenly thought of something: every week, on Monday I splurge myself with fancy coffee, lunch, or something else actually not necessary.

Being the social-science-philosophy-weird-thinking nerd I am sometimes, I immediately asked myself why and found a simple, yet profound answer: I have an addiction to spending money. This is probably not something uncommon. Most people like to spend money, especially on things they “pamper” themselves with – things not necessary that feel wonderful though. It’s a rush that is only accelerated by today’s consumption society.

Yet, I figured that now that I acknowledged the fact, I will be able to put a stop  to it. Not right away (I am having fancy coffee because the lack of sleep from last night will otherwise show in about 30 minutes), but slowly, but surely.

Also, I made a commitment to being not only physically, but even more so soul-y healthy. I wanna get back on the yoga mat, get an hour of swimming into my schedule here and there and take long walks in the park or woods with the June Bug. All this in a quest to become who I was and who I still think I am deep inside myself, but the “me” that has been buried by pregnancy, childbirth, being a single mum, starting a business, living in a place where the members of “my tribe” seem to hide pretty well.

I am starting today, Monday, October 8th, 2012. Wish me luck (or better, willpower)!

Eliminating So

Standard

For a while now, I have recognized that I start every second sentence or so with “so”. Rather ridiculous to think I am a fairly good writer when I cannot even start my sentences with a more meaningful word than “so”, no?!

Well (that’s not so!), I think it is because I do not think I have very much to say. And in fact, I do not have very much to say. Between motherhood, self-employment, life-building, and crafting, my mind goes to wander off into its own world and when I get to sit down to write about the (more or less) crazy thoughts, they’re usually gone.

In an attempt to write more elaborately about the thoughts I have on a daily basis, I will have to create a writing space. Not a physical space, I have that now that I bought an 18€ desk at Ikea a few weeks back. But a space in my mind and schedule that will allow me to write without starting my sentences with “so”.

Making an impression.

Standard

Well, today I found that apparently I make long-lasting impressions on people. A few weeks ago, I saw a woman who looked extraordinarily familiar walking through our town with another whom I had just met. A few days later, it came to me that said woman was a former teacher of mine.

Today, the woman I have just recently met was at my door asking about a call I had not made yet and we came to talk about that former teacher of mine. And guess what, that teacher woman, whose identity I only remembered after two days of nagging thoughts in my head of the kind “You know her, you know her, but how?!”, almost immediately remembered who I was AND my full name. What?

It has only been almost a decade (boy!) since I am out of high school and with the number of students she has probably dealt with since then, I find it rather amazing that she remembered my full name. I get when someone remembers a first name as this is mostly what we associate with “who someone is”, no?! I know many people from my childhood whom I have known by full name, but would now need a while to possibly remember their last name.

No matter what, this is the second time a former high school teacher remembered my name in two weeks, so I am going to just go with the “I make long-lasting impressions” theory. To teachers, anyway. And yes, I often was the teacher’s pet. But I HIGHLY doubt that has something to do with it.

A Good Place On My Own

Standard

A few days ago, I read this post on inspirationlocation.com. It stuck with me and is still causing major rumbles in my head. I have been needing to go back and re-read to get my mind straight on what I want and can take out of the post. Here is what I got:

The main thing that got me was the bit about “outer geography”. This has been (as those of you who read all the blurbs I post on here know) a major concern of mine since I returned to the “forsaken” land. Just kidding, it’s not forsaken. Not really anyway. I have been thinking, rethinking, analyzing, and over-analyzing what it is that keeps me from being me and being totally happy here.

With saying that, I have to attest that I am in no place where I would be in danger of being depressive or any other kind of clinically crazy over this issue – despite my mother saying otherwise. That’s a different story though.

Finding a good place is something I have been trying to do for a long 18 months now and I am getting to a point where I want to give up. I just want to say, f**k it and go. Somewhere else. No, let me rephrase: not just somewhere, but there. When I read Kath’s writing about finding a good fit for you, I had to smile big. Because that is exactly the phrase I used to utter so many times in talks with prospective students. I used to say: “We want to be the right fit for you, but if we’re not, we will not make you stay for the sake of you bringing in the money.” Well, I didn’t actually say it with those words, but my PR brain is on vacation tonight.

Either way, finding a good fit in life is substantial to your ability to feel good about yourself and those in your life. Maybe this is all that is wrong with me here – I haven’t found the right fit. Good thing I have plenty ideas for how to do better with that. I actually started today and so far, it’s going pretty well.

P.S.: This post sounds much less philosophical than the thoughts floating around in my head. Maybe I will be able to rethink and word better in the next few days, but for that I will probably need a reminder. So, if you are reading this after March 14, 2012, please comment so that I will go back and edit. Thanks. 🙂

Things I never want to receive as a gift from a lover

Standard

Chocolates.

A gas station flower bouquet.

A pot or any other household item I did not SPECIFICALLY (as in, I want this thing, brand, price, etc. included in description) ask for.

Paper or magazine subscriptions.

Cheap wine.

Candles.

Framed poster prints.

Silly greeting/birthday/Christmas cards. I’m a serious type.

 

 

Dear Universe… love, me.

Standard

Yoga, yoga, yoga. I need to do my yoga. Instead, I write.

Sensefree messages to strangers I will never meet, senseful, excited messages to one I do hope to meet soon.

I actually am getting a bit nervous and excited. Could it be that this man is my male counterpart?

Here are two letters to the universe – one if he is, one if he’s not.

Dear Universe,

Thank you for granting my Christmas wish. Thank you for starting this year off with some love that I have needed so much. Thank you for making me believe again and helping find that spirit I lost you know when.

He is truly amazing. Not in a sense that I would put him on a pedestal and worship him, but in the sense that I did not think or believe or even dare to wish that there was another person like me, even more nearby me!

You actually messed up my theory on life a bit because you have just proven that (part of) my justification of traveling and living abroad is untrue. No, I am not in the least mad at you for that. Thank you for pointing out my mistake though.

Love and light,
Maria

——————————————————————————————–

Dear Universe,

You fooled me. You truly did. Was that some kind of early April fool’s prank?

I mean, you made this man sound so very fantastic. You did, don’t you dare putting that on him. He can’t help but live what you decided to be his purpose.

But, also thank you. Thank you for letting me know that my life theories are as true as I will ever be able to prove. Thank you for reminding me that I am a kick-ass woman who still is willing to hope for AND able to love.

Also, please do realize that my engagement in this search for truth and all that will intensify now that you pulled this one. That is probably just what you were hoping to achieve, so I give in and do what I should.

Love and light (even though I am kind of mad),
Maria

I am not sure whether I will update which letter I will send in the end, but they both seem pretty positive to me, so I think it doesn’t really matter.

Resolution 1 for 2012:

Be the positive self you know you can be. (Check.)