Making amends

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Today has been one of those weird days when you are right in the middle between good and bad. It was good because I had a lazy morning in bed, had coffee and a great wrap while hanging out with friends, and talked to my mum for a long time. It was bad because I was accused of being a liar with a list of lies that is too long to tell.

The question I am now asking myself is: Where does this leave me?

How do I deal with the fact that a person who should know me better than many people feels that I have been lying? And not just one white lie, but a whole list of lies so grave that there is nothing left to talk about.

Despite the initial rage, irregular heartbeat and uncontrollable shaking inside, I now feel relatively calm. Calm enough to decide to cut ties with the person accusing me and realizing that I can be compassionate AND at the same time self-preserve.

The compassion I feel is fighting with the rage still, yet I wish for them to find what they are looking for in life. I do so not only for selfless reasons. I want the universe to know that I have grown and that my path has shown me that to move on and personally grow, I have to let go. Really, I have to forgive, but let’s just say that forgiveness is not exactly inscribed in me.

So, why would I title this post as making amends? The reason is simple: Today has also been a good day because the experience I had today led me to realize what I may have caused in another person in the past. One could say I took a bad situation and turned it into something positive.

Lastly, I have to say that this whole affair also led me to realize one more thing: There is no use in letting people into your life that you do not really want there. For a reason, we feel more inclined to associate with some people rather than others. We should listen to our intuition as to who they are.

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