This is me. Now.


This is the result of me pouring myself out to one of my friends on Skype just a little but ago. However, it is significant in the way that it shows who I am and what I feel at this moment in time.

well, im mad and frustrated and exhausted and tired (not the same thing) and lost my spirit somewhere on the way and think i may be compromising myself and thought things would go better out of a sudden and they are, but not good enough
[6:57:51 PM] Maria Reich: and im feeling like i have not found what it is that can keep my going through life positively
[6:57:58 PM] Maria Reich: i feel like i lost all my energy
[6:58:04 PM] Maria Reich: i dont feel like im gonna get it back
[6:58:22 PM] Maria Reich: things are so complicated and never easy and i have to fight for every little second of happiness
[6:58:29 PM] Maria Reich: and I AM SO SICK OF IT!!!!!
[6:59:03 PM] Maria Reich: so, no, things are not ok and you should worry about me not being happy, but im not gonna slide into depression or do anything to myself or not get out of it
[6:59:41 PM] Maria Reich: bc im a strong bitch and i can get through everything, although i keep losing the people that are close to me and that i love and that are supposed to be the ones who hold you up when you’re down

[7:03:10 PM] KG: Wow..i know u are going tru alot of shit right now..but these are all stepping stones to success..beleive me it might look like a mirage but there is always light @ the end of the tunnel..its fine to be discouraged but never give up..everything is going to fall in place and  u will be suprised how fast it will go…just be patient..i know its really hard..i have tried to keep my insanity over the past tweleve months.. i am always here for u..let me know if u need to talk anytime..really

[7:04:51 PM] Maria Reich: thank you dear. i appreciate you in my life very much.
[7:04:57 PM] Maria Reich: im so sick of talking
[7:05:43 PM] Maria Reich: what is the sense if, when it comes down to it, people lie? thats all we do. whatever your motive is, you lie. once, twice, a million times. it doesnt make a difference
[7:05:51 PM] Maria Reich: talking doesnt get you anywhere
[7:05:58 PM] Maria Reich: actions do
[7:06:08 PM] Maria Reich: but they depend on us knowing the truth about the situation
[7:06:20 PM] Maria Reich: but you will never know the truth because people cant fucking give you that
[7:06:24 PM] Maria Reich: not even your best friends
[7:06:50 PM] Maria Reich: why cant i tell someone that i hardly know and talk to for the uni that i feel like shit
[7:07:02 PM] Maria Reich: why is it common practice to be polite?
[7:07:57 PM] Maria Reich: why cant we just trust that people will understand? and why cant everyone make an effort to understand? then we all could be friends and happy and peace wouldnt be a problem
[7:08:17 PM] Maria Reich: we could give those who are happy having things all the stuff they need and those who dont can give their stuff away
[7:10:05 PM] Maria Reich: can we live life at the speed it is supposed to be lived – slow enough to be able to stop at the supermarket and talk to the acquaintance who then tells us that really their life has been shit and we will listen and find a solution or make a plan to find one?
[7:10:11 PM] Maria Reich: is that possible at all?


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